Well I had a dream and in it I was teaching cave people 
how to use blenders and toasters. I drive up to the 
cave in my car. Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey. In my car.
And there they are banging their heads against the 
walls of the cave. And I say: Hey folks! Listen, you're 
doing it the hard way. Lemme show you a thing or two. 
One. Two. Three. Four.

Well I was trying to think of something to tell you 
about myself, and I came across this brochure they're 
handing out in the lobby. And it says everything I 
wanted to say--only better.
It says: Laurie Anderson, in her epic performance of 
United States Parts 1 through 4, has been baffling 
audiences for years with her special blend of music ... 
slides ... films ... tapes ... films (did I say films?) 
... hand gestures and more. Hey hey hey hey hey hey 
hey! (Much more.)

Let's take a look around the stage at what we like to 
call The System--i.e., the highly sophisticated (very 
expensive) state-of-the-art gadgetry with which I cast 
my spell.
Now let me tell you something: this stuff does not grow 
on trees.

Well I was out in L.A. recently on music business, and 
I was just sitting there in the office filling them in 
on some of my goals.
And I said: Listen, I've got a vision. I see myself as 
part of a long tradition of American humor. You know--
Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, 
Roadrunner, Yosemite Sam.
And they said; "Well actually, we had something a 
little more adult in mind."
And I said: "OK! OK! Listen, I can adapt!"

Lucy I'm home. Lucy, I'm home! 
LUCY? I'm home!! 
I wonder what happened to her?