This old middle finger has grown fat and tired from flicking the bird My mouth has grown cankerous from spitting dirty words I feel like a strung out snuffaluffaguss On the south side wearing Vietnamese cowboy clothes And I found out the hard way that the pathway to her heart is not through her nose I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too weird And she wants a gentleman Nothing more, just a gentle friend It's getting hard to lie through my teeth 'Cause they rotted out and they 're not all there I need my old man to wash my mouth out with soap and my mother to scrub this nasty hair Why the f*ck is a munchkin on the highway jumping a trash can in Congolese cowboy clothes And like a deer transfixed by headlight the bumper crushed his head while I god damn froze I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too weird I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too queer And she wants a gentleman Nothing more, just gentleman Nothing less, just a gentleman Nothing more just a gentleman Nothing less, just gentleman Nothing more, just a gentleman Nothing less than a gentleman Than a gentleman Than a gentleman A gentleman, a gentleman, a gentleman C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon