This old middle finger has grown fat and tired from flicking the bird
My mouth has grown cankerous from spitting dirty words

I feel like a strung out snuffaluffaguss
On the south side wearing Vietnamese cowboy clothes
And I found out the hard way that the pathway to her heart is not through her nose

I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too weird

And she wants a gentleman
Nothing more, just a gentle friend

It's getting hard to lie through my teeth
'Cause they rotted out and they 're not all there
I need my old man to wash my mouth out with soap and my mother to scrub this nasty hair
Why the f*ck is a munchkin on the highway jumping a trash can in Congolese cowboy clothes
And like a deer transfixed by headlight the bumper crushed his head while I god damn froze

I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too weird

I'm tired of being rude, ticked off drunk and crude
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
Got fired for swinging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
My woman can't bring me home to pa cause I am too queer

And she wants a gentleman
Nothing more, just gentleman
Nothing less, just a gentleman
Nothing more just a gentleman
Nothing less, just gentleman
Nothing more, just a gentleman
Nothing less than a gentleman
Than a gentleman
Than a gentleman
A gentleman, a gentleman, a gentleman

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon