I wake up feeling panicked, my pills are in the cabinet Takes all the strength I have to just ignore them as I pass it Man, I hope this feeling passes soon, been to hell and back and it's barely noon I'm scared to go outside, shit, I'm surprised I even left my room And it feels like no one understand how bad I'd love to join my friends It's hard to breathe, I'm anxious and I'll end up staying home instead The doctor hasn't helped me much, he signs his name I buy the drugs I'm feeling weird, I take one out, it makes me feel comfortably numb Man, I can't handle my emotions like I used to, it's all different now I start to sweat, I feel confused, my fingers shake, my heartbeat pounds And I'm feeling claustrophobic every time the closet closes 'Cause my skeletons are in there, so I have to leave it open I'm just nervous over nothing, even shit I can't control I used to love to be in public, now I'd rather be alone And even though it's difficult it's probably for the best If I didn't make a change I woulda drank myself to death Then I'll wake up feeling better than I did the day before But then it hits me outta nowhere and almost knocks me to the floor A heaviness, a readiness to get back into bed A sadness that I can't explain, a cloud over my head My deepest, darkest fears feel like they're filling up an ocean And I'm floating on the surface with no hope to keep me going I've been down on myself, man, I forgot how to believe in me I never asked for help, now I just struggle with it secretly I wish that it was something I could sweep under the carpet Tryna hide it all the time only makes the battle harder Man, I lived a lot of moments that I probably shoulda cherished Now they seem so far away from me, I'm angry and embarrassed I can't even tell my parents, they don't need to keep on worrying My mama and my papa don't deserve to have to bury me I hope the pills I have will hold me over for a while I'll keep searching for the strength to find my smile