It Was Supposed To Be So Easy
Just take back the DVD
Withdraw that extra money
Tell mum I wouldn't be back for tea
Then grab my savings and hurry
So first to get the film back in time
To avoid that big fine
I had to do a fast hill climb
But I fast declined
But I flew a bit quick
Arms like a lunatic
I had to stop for a few ticks
I started feeling sick
Got to the video shop in a state
But chuffed it wouldn't be late
Only when he flicked open the case
I'd left the disc at my place
Today I have achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house I've lost out
If I'd wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed like I know how
So I failed on the DVD
But I still had to get the money
Tell mum I couldn't make tea
Get the savings and then hurry
Rushing to the cash machine
Still a bit mashed and lean
And of course the mandatory car drives by
And splashes me
Get there the queue's outrageous
Lady's taking ages
My rage is blowing gauges
How long's it take to validate your wages?
At last my turn comes
Press the fifty squid button
Insufficient funds
Today I have achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house I've lost out
If I'd wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed like I know how
So I've failed on the DVD
Couldn't withdraw any money
But I still had to call mum
Get the savings and then hurry
So to call my mum so that
I could tell her I can't go and that
At least I remembered my phone man
I didn't know her number off hand
Where's my phone, have I got it?
Oh this is a crock of shit
I lost the fucking thing
Oh here it is in my pocket
But the battery's nearly flat
Got to call quick snap
Oh shit
The battery is flat
(Chorus)
Today I have achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house I've lost out
If I'd wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed like I know how
So I've failed on the DVD
Couldn't withdraw any money
Or call mum about tea
I'd have to get the savings and hurry
But where was the money?
I knew I'd left it on the...
Side next to the tele
This is not even funny
I'd left it in the living room
Ready to pick up as soon
As I pass through
On the way to the rendezvous
So the shoebox full of money
Just disappearing from me
Was not what I call funny
A grand don't come for free
Today I have achieved absolutely nought
In just being out of the house I've lost out
If I'd wanted to end up with more now
I should've just stayed in bed like I know how
Oi
Soaked the bone in me jeans
Do you want me to stop?
I imagine me mum's weeping right now
A thousand pounds you swore, that I left on the table this morn
Has simply disappeared right before my eyes, his eyes and yours
And I'm a thousand pounds poorer
Hundred thousand pennies, no more
A thousandth of a million squid or 2 wonkies or a whole fifty scores
Gone
Withdrawn from my life
The money is no more for sure
It was supposed to be so easy
