Sugar-coated girlfriends don't mean anything to me This song's about a girl who's soft and warm and cheap When I held her close to me she melted right away Velveeta was her name Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta... All my friends keep telling me "Frank, you must be sick. How can you have fun with a gooey processed chick?" But she's much more than that She's got a heart of gold And she does what she's told Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta... I want to tell her that I'll never go away But she keeps showing me her expiration date Girls may come, girls may go, but I know one thing for sure They stock Velveeta at the local grocery store And she'll be on the shelf until the end of time When we have to say goodbye Velveeta, Velveeta, Velveeta...