I was sitting in a motorway restaurant
When the waiter came up he said what do you want
I looked at the menu, it looked so nice
Till he said let me give you some advice.
Spaghetti and potatoes they got too much starch
Pork chop and gravy are bad for your heart
There's hormones in chicken and beef and veal
Ravioli is a dead man's meal.
Bread's got preservatives, nitrites in ham
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam
Stay away from donuts run away from pie
Pepperoni pizza's a sure way to die.
Sugar rots your teeth and makes you put on weight
Artificial sweetener's got cyclamates
Eggs got cholesterol, there's fat in cheese
Coffee ruins your kidneys, so does tea.
Fish's got mercury and red meat is poison
Salt's going to send your blood pressure risin'
Hot dog and salami got deadly red dyes
Vegetables and fruit are sprayed with pesticides.
I said what can I eat that's gonna make me last
He said a small drink of water in a tiny wee glass
Then he stopped and he thought for a minute
Never mind the water, there's carcinogenics in it.
I got up from the table and walked out into the street
Realizin' there was nothin' I could eat
Ain't eaten for a month but I'm feeling fine
'Cause he did not mention beer, whiskey and red red wine.
