This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise 
 So let me sit you down and tell you how I won first prize 
 I took on your free enterprise and your pretty little shops 
 Walked in with empty bags and walked out with the lot 

 So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
 I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
 Let hands be shook 
 Champagne poured 
 Sentence ignored 
 Yes. I've come for my award 

 This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise 
 Anyone want a gold watch in a ladies' size? 
 There's a few more round the back 
 I stole them from your shop 
 We've got no more in silver, that's all that you'd got 

 So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
 I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
 Let hands be shook 
 Champagne poured 
 Sentence ignored 
 Yes. I've come for my award 

 I chatted with your guards and winked at roving eye 
 A thousand hidden cameras were searching cross the sky 
 But they didn't see me pinch them from underneath their eyes 

 So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
 I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
 Let hands be shook 
 Champagne poured 
 Sentence ignored 
 Yes. I've come for my award 
 Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
 Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
 Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
 Yes, I've come for my award 

 Hairdryer, overcoat, telly, dot-to-dot 
 Video, compact disc, there's nothing we forgot 
 Whilst I was busy smiling my father got the lot 
 I've come for my Award