Let me tell you a story about scary Ned Scariest guy to ever wet a bed He had hands on his arms and eyes on his head But they weren't his He'd go down to the market and try to scare the fish He said that they bothered him, they weren't his favorite dish Then he'd go down to the highway and pretend that he was dead That just the way he was, creepy scary Ned Oh oh Scary Ned Ned loved Halloween 'cause he didn't need a mask He'd steal the children's candy, he didn't even ask He'd sit right down in front of them and then he'd start to eat He'd tell them they were better off 'cause that stuff can rot your teeth Oh oh oh oh Scary Ned A strange glow would come from his place late into the night He'd watch T.V. 'til the dawn, you know that ain't right If he started to get tired he'd rub sauerkraut on his head That's just the kind of guy he was, good old scary Ned Oh oh oh oh oh oh Scary Ned He had a face his mother didn't love When people saw on the street they often said "Uughh!" Sometimes late at night he'd walk alone He'd be reciting stuff Bad sounding stuff Icky awful stuff But when you got to know him, he weren't so bad Oh oh Scary Ned Oh oh oh oh oh oh Scary Ned Oh oh Scary Ned He's pretty scary Scary Ned Really scary Scary Ned He's scary Hence the name Scary Ned I saw him yesterday He said "Hi" I got scared 'Cause he's Scary Ned If he weren't scary I supposed he'd be called Like, Happy Ned And who wants to hear a song about Happy Ned (Happy Ned)