Oh the year was nineteen seventy-eight, (How I wish I'd never tried it now,) When a score of men were turned quite green By the scummiest ale you've ever seen God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. Now Garnett Rogers cried the town (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) For 20 brave men all masochists who Would taste for him his homemade brew. God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. This motley crew were a sickening sight (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) There was caveman Dave with his eyes in bags He'd a hard-boiled liver and the staggers and jags. God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. We hadn't been there but an hour or two (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) When a voice said "Give me some homemade brew" As steeleyed Stan hove into view. God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. Now steeleyed Stand was a frightening man (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) He was eight foot tall and four foot wide Said "pass that jug or I'll tan your hide. God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. Stan took one sip and pitched on his side (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) Garnett was smashed with a cupful of drugs And his breath set fire to both me legs. God damn them all, I was told this beer was worth it's weight in gold We'd feel no pain, she'd no tears, But it's a foolish man who shows no fear At a glass of Garnett's homemade beer. Now here I am with my 23rd beer (how I wish I'd never tried it now,) It's six long years since I felt this way On the night before my wedding day.