The car's always there at nine 
Though he's never out on time 
Night after night 
Line after line 
He'll be fine 
I suppose 
The famous Mr. Jones 

He really should relax 
He's due a heart attack 
Though there's no heart to attack 
Is it an act? 
No one knows 
The naughty Mr. Jones 

In a world full of weird, you're the oddest ever 
Heard you brought everyone here so much pleasure, clever 
We all know that you know you're a national treasure 
Mrs. Jones you made the best boy ever, ever 
E-V-E-R 

He's careful with his weight 
Pushes food around the plate 
He can never pass as straight 
Ask his mates 
How it goes 
The careful Mr. Jones 

Even his mother thinks he's odd 
He hasn't got a proper job 
But he says neither did God 
And he's the Lord 
As it goes 
The mighty Mr. Jones 

In a world full of weird, you're the oddest ever 
Heard you brought everyone here so much pleasure, clever 
We all know that you know you're a national treasure 
Mrs. Jones you made the best boy ever, ever 
E-V-E-R 

In a world full of weird, you're the oddest ever 
Heard you brought everyone here so much pleasure, clever 
We all know that you know you're a national treasure 
Mrs. Jones you made the best boy ever, ever 
E-V-E-R 

The moral of this tale 
Is when everything's for sale 
Good men seldom prevail 
They all fail 
As he knows 
The gifted Mr. Jones