[Link:] First off I wanna tell ya I enjoyed the pizza Well it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meet-cha I'd like your number But I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it [Rhett:] That means he's cheap and pathetic and if ya date him you'll regret it 23 percent from me communicates I'm generous, not desperate, and I can calculate [Link:] Is she supposed to be impressed? [Rhett:] Well if you want a battle be my guest [Link:] I'm a computer programmer and a cubical dweller I disabled Spell Check cuz I'm a stellar speller When I write an email that includes an attachment I never hit "send" before I've attached it [Rhett:] Your job is a bore I keep it hard core Sellin' knives and insurance from door to door You're reflectin' on a water cooler conversation I'm givin' an incredible knife demonstration [Rhett:] May I interest you in some accidental death coverage? Or a hard boiled egg slicer? [Link:] I can change your computer wallpaper to a tropical beach scene [Rhett:] Egg slicer [Link:] I car pool Cuz I'm environmentally sensitive I pack a snorkel cuz I'm clever and so inventitive [Rhett:] It's inventive, inventitive isn't a word [Link:] Yeah I just inventited it, you just got served [Rhett:] Well when I car pool, I take a group of third graders On my way to work I teach 'em multiplication tables See I'm a role model, an example to the youth [Link:] Then why did this kid just tell me that one times one is two? [Link:] At the gym people line up just to give me a spot All eyes on me when I'm poppin' a squat My career Plan B is to teach P.E The model on the machine is based on me [Rhett:] I've mastered the art of mental manipulation Workin' every muscle group through meditation This is me workin' out my triceps Pick up my DVD called "Mind Reps." [Link:] My sense of style, is sweet like syrup It's not uncommon for people to think I'm from Europe [Rhett:] I don't follow the trends, I'm a style pioneer See this turtleneck, with a necklace? You'll be wearing this next year [Rhett:] Is that all you got? [Link:] No [Link:] I see buttons, I just push 'em to see what they do If something were to go wrong I'd just blame it on you [Rhett:] I'm quick-witted, I always know just what to say [Link:] Then say something clever [Rhett:] Uh, ok [Link:] I was offered a record deal while singin' at a karaoke bar But I turned it down and became the president's karaoke czar [Rhett:] I rescued a dolphin entangled in a tuna net And donated it to an orphanage to keep as a pet [Link:] I gave the Heimlich to a horse chokin' on beef jerky Two hours later he won the Kentucky derby [Rhett:] I'm allergic to nothin' [Link:] I'm allergic to weakness [Rhett:] I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses [Link:] I can drive a stick shift [Rhett:] Well I can golf [Link:] Well I can make it look like my thumb is comin' off [Rhett:] I invented the Half Nelson [Link:] I invented the Full Nelson! [Rhett:] I've got a signed picture of Boris Yeltsin [Link:] My uncle is a lawyer! [Rhett:] I roll my own sushi! [Link:] I use the metric system exclusively! [Rhett:] I know Morse code! [Link:] Well I can speak it: Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop [Rhett:] You just said that the square root of raspberry should be legalized [Link:] Exactly