No we're not gonna perform this song for you I just wanted to let you know we wrote one Or maybe we will On the first day of first grade We were both held in from recess Cause we were both writing profanity on our desks I wrote Hell I wrote Dam But I spelt it "D-A-M" so it technically wasn't a curse word But I think Miss Locklear knew my intentions Our punishment was coloring unicorns And that's when we became best friends But equally as important We never defaced public property again So if you gotta kid who's writing obscene graffiti Give him a picture of a mythical beast And he will cease to write profanity Don't write profanity Now, this may seem like something cute we just wrote in a song But it's actually true It has been scientifically proven that you cannot formulate curse words While coloring pictures of mythical beasts Allow me to demonstrate: Ass-itote Shi-ver me timbers Fu-nnlecakes Mo-ther fu-nnlecakes You see? It's motherfunnelcaking impossible So if you gotta kid who's writing obscene graffiti Give him a picture of a mythical beast and he will cease to write profanity Don't write profanity Just color a mythical beast