When I was younger my biggest fear was "David"
White boy
Billabong
TNC Surf Designs
The whole 9
Well
Didn't fear him
Bullies come and go
Fade requests happily obliged
I feared what I didn't understand about him
Of course this type of self reflection is only seen in a rearview mirror
Where the objects of childhood trauma are closer than they appear
Hence why this poem wasn't penned until now
I didn't understand
Why all this is so important to you
I don't understand how obsession and repulsion live in the same body
Why do you love and hate Black people
Why am I so consequential
I now think he feared extinction
I think his violence was a trait passed down from his Neanderthal daddy
Where all actions were just an attempt to slow down atrophy
And if God is not one of the funniest people
Slowing down atrophy only accelerates it
I'm not your problem David, you're your problem
Of course I have no idea what happened David
I think his fear of extinction in some ways came to be
Bullies are an 80s trope and nerds are billionaires
Creating the robots that will exact their revenge
On the very people that radicalized them
Slowing down atrophy only accelerated it
But it's not a full extinction
He passed down a trait to me
I fear extinction too, but not in the same way
I understand all things come to an end
And the end is new beginnings
I understand collective identity
I fear the almost
The only bully I've ever run from
I've spent most my life running from almost
