Traded up for stronger cologne Cause he turned his skull into a broken bone He tried to cry cause it hurt to think But neither lobe works In a leisure suit made of rhinestones He watches his dog clean his clothes He seems an alright guy from what I know Transit authority funds what I bypass To get my feeding tube And the plastic it's made from Holds up so strong and true But I want a string quartet While I use the loo Spiders crawl up from under Me to make sure I move They crawl into my holes And make me weep and remember my name He will only dance to a dial tone He lives on function and function alone There's not much behind the eyes From what I know Traded up for stronger cologne Smells like going out Looks like staying at home And all the while there were spiders in my butt Crawlin' around And I want a string quartet While I use the loo Nothing crawls up over my head To make sure I move