I know that times were hard I know that you've been feelin' down If you only knew how I'm feelin' for you If I could take your pain I wish that I could wash it all away If you only knew how I'm feelin' Mommy I'm sorry if my first letter made you cry To be honest with you I don't think that I wanna die Sometimes I feel like that I'm cancerous in others lives That’s probably why I drink at night and sleep till 4 or 5 It's kinda hard walking through life with my distorted eyes When I was younger I was stupid and I thought I thrived I thought a lot about everything I said in the letter And questioned whether or not if I was dead you'd be better You think my shorty would be happy if I never met her It's too late now mommy I could never forget her Could never forget how she told me to love 'Cause my father and my grandmother is always above It's glory above you know that daddy taught me to thug And everytime we was with nanny she'd bombard me with hugs, damn I miss 'em mommy and it's hard to believe That I'm grown and I don't understand it - why did they leave Better to die and sleep then never wake and sleep Then linger on and dare to live when your souls life is gone You've been runnin' around for so long You've been hurting yourself too much You keep messin' around with darkness You're the one who's losin’ You've been runnin' around for so long You've been hurting yourself too much You keep messin' around with darkness You're the one who's losin’ Mommy I think I’m to try to stick around a while I got a niece and my nephews they need me around a while I think they need me 'cause they hittin’ that age And they ain't tryin’ to speak to Lenny 'cause they spittin' they rage, yeah And mommy speakin’ of Lenny I think my brother need me And we Italian so you know my mother loved to feed me And it's the little things you do for me that make it worth it Like when I play a joint that we did and you say it's perfect And when Jay got knocked you knew that I was hurt You told me put all of my heart in a song and it worked I promised him I'd be there when he got out the bing You ain't raised me to be a liar ma' that’s not my thing I told him that I'd hold him down the whole time that he gone They kept him locked in a cage but that’s cool 'cause he’s strong So Mommy keep that first letter I wrote you on the low I think I wanna stay alive and see if I can grow You've been runnin' around for so long You've been hurting yourself too much You keep messin' around with darkness You're the one who's losing You've been runnin' around for so long You've been hurting yourself too much You keep messin' around with darkness You're the one who's losing You have power and money, but you are mortal You know you can not escape death But immortality can be obtained The legend is always the same If others have succeeded conquering death Why must we accept it I know where immortals live And how to obtain their secret We too could become wisemen The elements of chemistry are many But finite So are the techniques of enlightenment I know that times were hard I know that you've been feelin' down If you only knew how I’m feelin' for you If I could take your pain I wish that I could wash it all away If you only knew how I'm feelin'