Well I knew had to have her
And I sent off in the mail
When I saw her picture in that magazine
And when the postman brought her
I thrilled when I blew up
The prettiest plastic girl you've ever seen

Well I called my new girl Wendy
And Wendy blew my mind
'Cause no one ever had her before me
And girls like that are gettin'
Awful hard to find
So I plan to keep her till eternity

Oh she's a life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl
And ain't nothin' missin'
And she's more than just a friend
And she never has a headache
Or bad breath
When we're kissin'
And she's there when you need her
And she doesn't have a dog
And her skin is as smooth as a pearl
She's a life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl

Now I didn't tell nobody
Except my best friend Earl
'Cause you can't trust just anyone you see
And every night when I came home
All tired from makin' pizza
Wendy would be waitin' there for me

And she always left me breathless
Every time I blew her up
Oh the way that she filled out that see-through gown
And my ego got inflated
Every time that she did
'Cause I felt sure she needed me around

Oh she's a life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl
And she's more than just a friend
And she never has a headache
Or bad breath
When we're kissin'
And she's there when you need her
And she doesn't have a dog
And her skin is as smooth as a pearl
She's a life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl

One night I came home anxious
With Wendy on my mind
And it broke my heart in two
When I walked in
And found the one I always thought would always be just mine
Laying there with Earl, my best friend

Well I never dreamed that Wendy
Would be the cheatin' kind
And I didn't think that Earl would let me down

But you don't know what can happen in these mixed-up times
'Cause there sure are lots of weirdos runnin' 'round

Oh she's a life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl
Cause she was more than just a friend
And she never had a headache
Or bad breath
When I would kiss her
But a man must have his pride
So I can't take her back now
Not after catchin' her with Earl
Oh my life-sized wife-sized
Full-grown blow-up plastic girl
My plastic girl