Poor baby You lonely bastard Can't you see how that monster has used you? You're not her husband You're just a tissue One final blow, then she'll throw you away! But I got a plan And you're the man I know I need, to do it, Ernest! I need to do it, Ernest Do what exactly? End Madeline Oh Don't look so scared You know you want it A simple fix for the years she's abused you Then poof, she's gone! Bye, Mad, we'll miss you! You had fun, now there's hell to pay! Just do what I do And Ernest, dear, I guarantee That once she's through It's me and you and you and me We'll start a new life Put "ex" in front of "wife" Once Madeline's dead and buried in a ditch What? Let's run away together Let's run away and be wild Let's build a house in the woods I'll forage for goods while you carry my child Let's run away together Let's leave the madness behind We'll hide her corpse without a trace I'll change my name, you'll change your face 'Til everything is perfect La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la Helen, you're acting a little insane I don't like that word, Ernest The only thing that's insane is we haven't spent the last 10 years wrapped in each other's arms because of her She stole my life She made me cuckoo She's why I spent 4 years locked in that "Health Spa" She took it all And left me nothing But a penchant for bingeing and rage But enough of me! You sexy man, tell me how I can convince you, Ernest I can't believe we're even—We shouldn't even be talking about— Sh! It will be quick Just how you like it Zero mess, unless you've got a bonesaw? No? We'll be precise We'll stage a story Of an actress cast out for her age They'll think she's cracked A tragic end for all to see Her final act! They'll eat it up and we'll be free! An innocent pair My fingers in your hair While Madeline's decomposing in the ground Let's run away together Let's run away to Paris Let's go make love in the park Eat bread in the dark while you spread me like brie Let's run away together! Zou zou bisou! Let's get out now while there's time You either stay, and life gets worse Or get your balls out of her purse And join me to make perfect La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la I am not saying I'll go along with any of this! It's barbaric! But just out of curiosity—how would we do it? Well, off the top of my head: You could take this Narconol, dust it lightly on her wine glass, she drinks from it, passes out, we drive her up to Mulholland, dump liquor all over her, release the brake, and the next thing you know they're fishing her out of Jack Nicholson's pool. By the time they perform the autopsy, the Narconol has dissolved, leaving only traces of alcohol. She's classified as just another drunk driver, and we walk off into the sunset together! Again, just spitballing Helen What? I can't You can I can't You can't? I can You can I can You can We can run away together! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Let's make our new life begin! It's now or never Take your pick But don't think too hard Make it quick It's what we have to do! 'Cause once that bitch is through We've won! She's done! Let's run away! Zou zou bisou!