Elmo's out in the hood one morning So pissed off that he put out a warning Said if he ever see Ernie or Bert, swear on his life that they gonna get hurt 'Cause Bert and Ern' got a hood operation Heard sellin' O's was a good occupation So they came with a foolproof plan To go in the business and make a few grand But everything around here's Elmo's turf Ever since he first had beef with the smurf All he ever found was a little white hat Stained with the blue blood couldn't strike back Once again, gotta prove he's no slouch Gets on the phone, calls Oscar the Grouch Tells him he'll get ten-thousand a head For Bert and Ern' if they're both found dead Grouch is a big thug, carries a 'K And somebody's always getting carried away When he come around trippin' Them boys better not come around slippin', they'll be underground drippin' Grover's outside, in front of Crown Chicken Trying to talk Zoe into coming down strippin' They see Grouch and they hop in the store Grouch starts shootin', they drop to the floor "So why's he shootin' at him and the bitch?" Word on the street is Grover's a snitch Turns state's evidence Got Big Bird locked, gave cops the address to his residence For the right kind of presidents You can get shot on the spot, no hesitance But anyway, the drive-by fail Ernie on the run, Grouch hot on the trail Bert said 'enough of this' Got on the phone, called his own hitman, Snuffleupagus He said 'we got a problem, Snuff... Elmo's mad and this boy don't bluff' He wants me and Ern' in the morgue, but I ain't going out like Kermit the Frog He got both legs chopped off And died with some fries on the side and some hot sauce They had a business connection Now Miss Piggy's in the witness protection Bert said 'we gotta act first... 'Cause I ain't gonna ride in the back of a black hearse... Mom's dressed up in the black church... With a black dress and a black purse' Snuff' said 'don't sweat it... Elmo and his whole team gon' get it... But it won't be a fun job... So I brought in my homeboy, Spongebob' Snuffy and Sponge' ridin' round in the funk Elmo and Count out front gettin' drunk Sponge', he got a '9 Snuffy got a big black sword of punk that he keeps in the trunk They jump out the car like a scene in a movie Count throws his cape back, dude got an uzi He let's off every shot in the gun 400 rounds and he counted each one Elmo's smilin', he's so cunning He knew they were coming, so he's not running Grouch pops out of a trash can, gunning Shooting every which-a-way Shots like picture day Sound like the Vietnam War Snuffy catch four, Spongebob gets away You wonder how he escaped? Snuffy didn't know that Sponge' was a snake He's been hanging with Elmo's crew since he fell out with Patrick back in '02 They jump in the truck and they ride out On their way to Bert and Ern's hideout They had Spongebob show the way He was over there just the other day They lock and load it with a full clip But y'all know, this is pure bullshit