Hey, I am the lowly tourist Though sometimes I feel so low At the duty free they laugh at me And they treat me like a schmo Of course they take my money And sometimes make me wanna smile But at the local pub or a restaurant I fell like I'm on trial With my wife standing in her blue eyes And my stupid baby suit How I yearn for a nice brown burn Or a sunburn substitute If my camera is my albatross If a sandal sure are dumb Then the hotel clerk thinks I'm a jerk And I drink until I'm numb Constantly, both day and night I am under an eight year hex Sure as hell they cast a spell They want my traveler's checks 'Cause the sand that's in the bathtub 'Cause the postcards burst with tips The younger woman might so swimmin' You can curse their swinging hips In the aeroport, I'm a-happy when I know I'm going home New Jersey is the place for me You can't know how old I look 'Cause I am the lowly tourist Though sometimes I feel so low At the duty free they laugh at me And they treat me like a schmo At the duty free they laugh at me And they treat me like a schmo