OK, I'm riding around in this car with this woman that I'm close to a couple times a week. I'm noticing she's looking out of the window and noticing OTHER WOMEN: how this one looks, "Isn't her hair lovely?", "What a nice outfit!" I said, "Babe, what is the DEAL?! You're noticing all these other chicks... maybe... you're a lesbian." She looks at me and she says, "I wish I was a lesbian!" Now, at that point, I wanted to say, "You mean 'you wish you WERE a lesbian' because, grammatically..." But I let it slide; I didn't wanna ruffle any feathers. But, y'know, that sentence, that retort, "I wish I was a lesbian"...kinda stuck in the ol' "Laud-lo"'s mind...kinda gestated there for...seven, eight minutes...AND THIS TUNE POPPED OUT! I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come- and-go And all that awful facial hair and yucky "ma-chis-mo" Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight I would sleep with women only; man, that would be great I could throw away my diaphragm; I wouldn't wanna mate Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight HEEEEEEY! I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke I would hang with k.d. lang; Mel Gibson, take a hike I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian; I'd like to be a dyke I wish I was a lesbian; that's why this song is sung It shouldn't have to matter how someone is hung Other things are more important...LIKE HOW TO USE YOR TOUNGE...blblblblblblblblblbl I wish I was a lesbian; that's why this song is sung HEEEEEEY! I dare Casey Kasem to play this! I wish I was a lesbian; I know it's sad, but true But maybe I might understand you guys and all you do But if I was a lesbian, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO I wish I was a lesbian; I know it's sad, but true Hey, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero I wouldn't have to mess with men and all their come- and-go And all that awful facial hair and yucky "ma-chis-mo" (I hate that damned machismo!) Ooooooo, I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!