Dump the dog & feed the garbage Mow the floor & sweep the lawn Salt & pepper on my porridge Some day I'll be dead & gone Oh my good girl loves me madly & my bad girl is a flirt I'll take the good with the bad gladly And I'll treat them both like dirt Bread & butter for my breakfast, peanut butter for my lunch Apple butter for my dinner Marjorine for Sunday brunch Baseball's fine Football's rougher basketballers are all tall But I like hockey, hockey's tougher You must play without a ball It's too much bother & too much trouble, I have stood all I can stand I'm a son & I'm a father I am just a middle man When I wake up in the morning I hop up right out of bed Unless of course I am hung over Then I pretend that I am dead