Well, the farmer prayed for a better year
And the crops were good like the Lord did hear
But his barn burned down with winter near
The answer came in white and black
In the farmer's almanac, it says
"If a man could have half his wishes he could double his trouble"

A sweet old lady was eighty-four
When her kinfolks came for a month or more
Now from overwork she's on the other shore
Much too late was y'all come back
And it says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"Visitors and fish smell after three days"

Our leader was a silver tongued man
He deceived the people of the land
And when he got caught he couldn't stand
It's a little off-beat and a little off-track
But it says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"In rivers and bad government the lightest things flow to the top"

Rod said, "I don't believe in God"
Rod died and lies beneath the sod
For God did not believe in Rod
Life is a troubled and a weary track
But it says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death"

The little boy followed the honeybee
And it flew straight to the honey tree
He got stung but got the honey free
Consolation for the things you lack
Is in the farmer's almanac, it says
"God gives us the darkness so we can see the stars"

He came home three hours late from work
Said, "I had a flat and fell in the dirt"
She said, "You gotten lipstick on your shirt"
Well it turned out like Jill and Jack
And it says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"Lies have to be covered up, truth can run around naked"

He said, "Honey, you know I'm true
I just look at other women that's all I do"
Then she caught him with her best friend Peggy Sue
Sometimes some women will look back
And it says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"There's a lot of difference in window shoppin' and shop liftin'"

I sat down at a shoeshine stand
I had a real slow shoeshine man
I said you don't pop that rag like some of 'em can
He looked at me and then he sat right back
It says in the farmer's almanac, it says
"The trouble with the world today is
There's too much poppin' and not enough shinin'"