Well, like I explained to you all before
I ain't no drinking man
I tried it once and it got me highly irregular
And I swore I'd never do it again
But I promised my brother in-law that
I'd go up and watch his still
While he went in to town to vote
It was right up on the mountain
Where the map said it would be
Friends, let me tell you one thing
Though it wasn't no ordinary still
It stood up on that mountainside
Like a hugh golden opal
God's yeller moon shining on the cool clear evening
God's little lanterns twinkling on and off in the heavens
Like I explained to you once before, I ain't no drinking' man
But temptation got the best of me
And I took a slash
That yella whiskey running down my throat
Like honey dew vine water
And I took another slash
Took another 'n another 'n another 'n
For you knew I'd downed one whole jug of that shit
And commenced to getting hot flashes
Goose pimples was running up and down my body
And a feeling came over me
Like something I'd never experienced before
It was like, like I was in love
In love for the first time, with anything that moved
Animate, inanimate it didn't matter
It's like there's a great neon sign flashing on n off in my brain saying
"Jimmy Buffett, there's a great day a coming!"
'Cause I was drunk
I wasn't knee crawling, slip sliding, Reggie Youngin
Commode hugging drunk
I was God's own drunk and a fearless man
And that's when I first saw the bear
He was a Kodiak-looking fella 'bout nineteen-feet tall
He rambled up over the hill
Expecting me to do one of two things
Flip or fly, I didn't do either one
It hung him up
He started sniffing around my body trying to smell fear
But he ain't gonna smell no fear
'Cause I'm God's own drunk and a fearless man
It hung him up
He looked right in my eyes, and my eyes
Was a lot redder than his was
It hung him up
So I approached him, I said, "Mr. Bear
I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body
I know you got a lot a friends over there
On the other side of the hill
There's ole Rare Bear, Tall Bear, Freddy Bear, Kelly Bear
Really Bear, Smelly the Bear, Smokey the Bear, Pokey the Bear
I want you to go back over there tonight
And tell them I'm feeling right
You tell them I love each and everyone of them
Like a brother and a sister. But if they give me any trouble tonight
I'm gonna run every goddamn one of them off the hill!"
He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think
Neither did I but being charitable and cautious
Well hell, I approached him again
I said, "Mr. Bear, you know in the eyes of the Lord
We're both beasts when it comes right down to it"
"So I want you to be my buddy, Buddy Bear"
So I took ole Buddy Bear by his island size paw
And I led him over to the still
He's a sniffing around that thing
'Cause he's smelling something good
I gave him one of them jugs of honey dew vine water
He downed it up right
Looked like one of them damn bears in the circus
Sipping sarsaparilla in the moonlight
I gave him another 'n another 'n another 'n
For I knew it he downed eight of them
And commenced to doing the bear dance
Two snips, a snort, a fly turn, and a grunt
It was so simple, like the jitter bug
It plum evaded me
We worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar
And I was awful tired and went over to the hillside
And I laid down and went to sleep
Slept for four hours and dreamt me some tremulous dreams
When I woke up, there was God's yeller moon
Shining on the clear cool evening
God's little lanterns twinkling on and off in the heavens
My buddy the bear was a-missing
Want to know something else friends and neighbors?
So was that still
