Cancer's getting meaner And it ain't never been fun Supposed to get you when you're old And now it gets you when you're young Cancer's always been depressin' Cancer's never been pleasant It don't care if you're royal, don't care if you're a peasant Well, then what causes it? Everything you ate The sleep you didn't get Your job and the air and the water and your pet The sun and red meat All the fishes in the sea They're all a bunch of cantankerous cancer-causin' carcinogenic S.O.B.'s It's like them apocalyptic folks off the newer Mad Max Monsanto Clause delivered all the cancer in your ass But it's from the purple ketchup, the BPA's and microplastics Just hope it don't go metastatic It's meaner than the meanest, meaner of the rumors It's your own personalized, Pan Pizza Hut, home-grown little tumor Take it It'll make an atheist plead with God Hardcore bumper sticker Christian give up Monsanto Clause is-a checkin' his list and the cancer don't give a fuck Cancer of the head, shoulders, knees, and toes I wish had the patent on the cancer screenin' I'd be-a printin' cancer dough Cancer is as lucrative a business as-a war So if you ain't expecting peace, then why expect a cure?