He lost his rosy cheeks And his cute little belly He's been livin' on a yacht He's kinda sweaty and smelly Mrs. Claus left in the 90s And Rudolph's gone Santa Claus is Amazon He left the North Pole He said it's too damn cold He went where labor was cheap And the taxes are low And if ya saw his list It'd make ya kinda nervous Alexa send my data Up to customer service This ain't no milk and cookie thing The man's got ambition He's been stirrin' up the cocoa With the Federal Trade Commission He been bustin' up unions Trading elves for slaves Makin' mountains of trash And dumps it out in the bay Dancer and Prancer and Donner and Blitzen Are all on reindeer unemployment Barely making a livin' He traded in his sleigh For a big blue van It's got a logo on the side Looks like some funky banana, ooh He cut his big beard And gave up being jolly He's been deckin' the halls With somethin' different than holly He bought the Washington Post Still can't get good press Santa Claus' name is Jeff, alright Santa Claus is Amazon