Well I guess it was back in '63
When eatin' my cookin'
got the better of me
So I asked this little girl
I was goin' with to be my wife
Well she said she would
so I said "I do"
But I'd have said "I wouldn't"
if I'd have just knew
how sayin' "I do" was
gonna screw up all of my life
Well the first few years
weren't all that bad
I'll never forget the
good times we had
Cause I'm reminded every month
when I send her the child support
Well it wasn't too long
till the lust all died
And I'll admit I
wasn't too surprised
the day I come home and found my
suitcase sittin' out on the porch
Well I tried to get in
but she changed the locks
Then I found this
note taped on the mailbox
that said "Goodbye, Turkey!
My attorney will be in touch" Mm-hmm
So I decided right then and there
I's a-gonna do what's right
and give her her fair share
But brother I didn't know her
share's gonna be that much
She got the gold mine
She got the gold mine
I got the shaft
I got the shaft
They split it right
down the middle
and then they give
her the better half
Well it all sounds sorta funny
but it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine
I got the sha-a-aft
Now listen, you ain't
heard nothin' yet
Why, they give her the
color television set
Then they give her the house
the kids and both of the cars! See?
Well then they start talkin'
'bout child support, alimony
and the cost of the court
Didn't take me long to figure out
how far in the toilet I was!
I'm tellin' ya they
have made a mistake
'Cause it adds up to more
than this cowboy makes
Besides everything I ever
had worth takin'
they've already took
While she's livin'
like a queen on alimony
I'm workin' two shifts
eatin' baloney askin' myself
"Why didn't you just
learn how to cook?"
They give her the gold mine
She got the gold mine
They give me the shaft
I got the shaft
They said they're splittin'
it all down the middle
but she got the better half
Well it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine
I got the sha-a-aft
Well, she got the gold mine
She got the gold mine
I got the shaft
I got the shaft
They split it all
down the middle
and then they give
her the better half
Well I guess it all
sounds funny, Hoo hoo hoo
ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine
I got the sha-a-aft
(They ain't kiddin' me
I got the shaft)
Well I do't have to worry 'bout
totin' a billfold anymore
Hahahahaha
I let my wife tote it
I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps
You get it, Judge?
I'm on-a be¦ Just! Hahahaha
Ah it's not funny
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Contempt of court?
Whaddaya mean?
Listen, judge I's just kiddin'!
