I was just seventeen 
When you rode into town 
Just a girl full of fantasies and longing 
I saw you 
I knew I had to be with you 

Then you looked in my eyes 
And you asked me my name 
And I trembled before you like a baby 
Then gently I kissed you 
Who could resist you?
You took my heart and soul 

And before I had a chance to take control 
We retired to your palace on the Pole 
Where we only had ourselves 
And the reindeer and the elves 
And a lot of things we never said 
About the life I could have led 
If I had had the sense to stay away 

But here we are Nick 
And so Nick 
I know it's time for you to go Nick 
I know by now I'll never claim you for my own 
I've been resigned to spend my Christmases alone 
And so au revoir Nick 
It's grand Nick 
I don't pretend to understand Nick 
I saw you look at Blitzen long and lovingly 
The way you used to look at me 

I have sat twenty years 
In this drafty retreat 
As the latest in the line of Mrs. Clauses 
I've sat here 
And wondered what you want from me 
But you sit by yourself 
On the couch in the den 
And you watch "Miracle on 34th Street"
You get sad and dreamy 
Can't even see me 
Won't even say, "Hello!"

Now you tell me that it's time for you to go 
Ha!
Sling your sack upon your back and "hohoho"
Ha!
And what matters most of all 
Is to sit inside some mall 
And you never think of me 
While I am pining by the tree 
But never mind 
I will survive 
While you are gone 

I set you free, Nick 
Goodbye, Nick 
Go ride your reindeer through the sky, Nick 
I don't suppose you'll ever want me by your side 
I know you now 
You want a plaything, not a bride 
So on your way, Nick 
Shalom, Nick 
Don't feel the need to hurry home, Nick 
Should I want comfort in the cold and bitter storm 
I've got the elves to keep me warm 

Oh, oh, Nick, I didn't mean it. I'm just going crazy 
all cooped up in here! 
Oh, Nick, I mean, come on, I'm not even German. 
Please take me with you. Please! I'm your wife damn it. 
Isn't there one once of human decency buried beneath 
all those layers of fat? 
You disgust me! Oh yes, It's so easy to judge, isn't 
it? 
Deciding who's naughty and who's nice? Well who died 
and left you God and Mr.
Claus? Hmph.

But never mind, Nick 
Okay, Nick 
I hate to keep you from your sleigh, Nick 
When you return I will be many miles away 
I'll have my lawyer call your lawyer 
New Years Day!

That's all from me, Nick 
Gain way, Nick 
I'll miss you less than I can say, Nick 
Have fun with all the little boys along the route 
I'll get the mansion and the factory to boot 
I will not wait until the snow beneath me thaws 
I will escape 
Your Santa claws