When you come home to me 
I'll wear a sweeter smile 
And hope that, for a while, you'll... 
Okay, thank you 
Thank you so much 

I'm climbing uphill, Daddy 
Climbing uphill 

I'm up every morning at six 
And standing in line 
With two hundred girls 
Who are younger and thinner than me 
Who have already been to the gym 

I'm waiting five hours in line 
And watching the girls 
Just coming and going 
In dresses that look just like this 
Till my number is finally called 

When I walk in the room 
There's a table of men 
Always men - usually gay 
Who've been sitting like I have 
And listening all day 
To two hundred girls 
Belting as high as they can! 

I am a good person 
I'm an attractive person 
I am a talented person 
Grant me Grace! 

When you come home... 
I should have told them I was sick last week 
They're gonna think this is the way I sing 
Why is the pianist playing so loud? 
Should I sing louder? 
I'll sing louder 
Maybe I should stop and start over 
I'm gonna stop and start over 
Why is the director staring at his crotch? 
Why is that man staring at my r©sum©? 
Don't stare at my r©sum© 
I made up half of my r©sum© 
Look at me 
Stop looking at that, look at me 
No, not at my shoes 
Don't look at my shoes 
I hate these f**king shoes 
Why did I pick these shoes? 
Why did I pick this song? 
Why did I pick this career? 
Why does this pianist hate me? 
If I don't get a callback 
I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom and buy a couch 
Not that I want to spend a day with mom 
But Jamie needs space to write 
Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying 
distraction to him 
What's he gonna be like when we have kids? 
And once again... 
Why am I working so hard? 
These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical 
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck 
When fin'lly you come home to... 
Okay, thank you 
Thank you so much 

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs 
With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs 
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes 
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues 
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels 
To be trotting along at the genius's heels 
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by 
And I... 

When you come home to me 
I'll wear a sweeter smile...