There's a lot of dust on Calamity Jane
She's been out ridin' fences
And shootin' up my wagon train again
She's got a heart like like a hammer
And eyes like thunder
How many beds have her boots been under?
And she's a-kickin' my cud in the mud
In the Deadwood rain
I had Jumped Up Jim
Tattooed across my brow
Well, I'd come ridin' into town
The shutters'd all be down
But I'd shut 'em down anyhow
Like a bat outa hell, well I landed
Then I got whipped
Hog-tied and branded
Castigated, reprimanded
I danced like a dang Fandango man
'Til I got broke and bowed
I am two fools I know
One, for lovin'
Two, for sayin' so
Your Jumped Up Jim is just sweet little Jimmy now
Don't forget the boat and the water
They've got something going with each other
You should never let them call the tune
In agreement with those plotters
That moon the rake, the wind their brother
They've gone off on their honeymoon
Out where the skies are a whole lot bluer
I thought our love was a whole lot truer
Still, you don't learn much when everything goes right
Moonbows and sailing stones
Better leave them all alone
Or they'll have you paddle-less up the creek
In matters of the misses
There is one who kisses
And the other who offers the cheek
