It's come to my attention allegations have been brought against me I know it's taken me a long time to respond, but here's my story: From my perspective, I'm exempt from consequences I thought I'd get away with it but didn't, so here's my apology: I'm so sorry, here's a Notes app apology It's come to my attention allegations have been brought against me I swear to god this is not my fault, it's a big misunderstanding No one's ever told me I'm abusive and controlling You sound crazy, no one will believe you, but here's my non-apology: I'm so sorry you have problems with honesty It's come to my attention that everyone fucking hates me I know it's only been a week since you outed me, but I've been changing I've found God now everyone thinks that it's a cop out Cleansed me of all my misdeeds, redeemed and saved me I found Jesus, absolved me of my demons I'll pray you heal from how I damaged you irreparably It's come to my attention allegations have been brought against me I'm so sorry, say it half-heartedly I'm so sorry, throw me a pity party I'm so sorry, from leper's colony I'm so sorry, here's a Notes app apology