Thank you.
Brian, I could use a little bit more monitor.
Hello hello, can't you turn up any more than that?
Hello hello, hey!
Alright!
Pardon me folks. 

The name of this song is Penguin in Bondage,
An' it's a song that ah, deals with the possible variations on
a basic theme which is...well,
You understand what a basic theme is.
And then the variations include ah, manoeuvres that might be
executed with the aid of ah, extra-terrestrial gratification
and devices which might or might not be supplied in a local
department store or perhaps a drugstore but at very least in
one of those fancy new shops that they advertise in the
back-pages of the free press.
This song suggests to the suggestible listener that the
ordinary procedure ah,
That I am circumlocuting at this present time in order to get
this text on television,
Is that ah, if you wanna do something other than what you
thought you were gonna do when you first took your clothes off
and you just happened to have some DEVICES around...
Then it's, it's not only okay to get into the 
PARAPHERNALIA of it all but...Hey!
What did he say? Ready? 

She's just like a penguin in Bondage, boy 
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh... 
Rennenhenninnahenninnenninahennn 
Way over on the wet side 
Of the bed (Knirps for moisture) 

Just like the mighty Penguin 
Flappin' her eight ounce wings 

Lord, you know it's all over 
If she comes atcha on the strut & wrap `em 
all around yer head 

Flappin her eight ounce wings, flappinumm 

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy 

Shake up the pale-dry 
Ginger ale 
Tremblin' like a Penguin 
When the battery fail 

Lord, you must be havin' her jumpin' through 
a hoopa real fire 
With some Kleenex wrapped around a 
coat-hang wire 

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy 
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh... 
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahenn 
Howlin' over to some 
Antarcticulated moon 

In the frostbite nite 
With her flaps gone white 
Shriekin' as she spot the hoop across the room 

Lord, you know it must be a Penguin bound down 
When you hear that terrible screamin' and 
there ain't no other 
Birds around 

She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy 
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh... 
She's just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy 
Oh yeah, Oh yeah, Oh... 
Rennenhenninnahenninneninahennn 
Aw, you must be careful 
Not to leave her straps 
TOO LOOSE 

`Cause she just might box yer dog 
She just might box yer doggie 
An' leave you a dried-up dog biscuit...