Darwin wants to battle? Doesn't seem like a fight
But this should be fun! I've yet to catch a ghost type
Got the highest speed stat, drop rhymes lightning fast
Open my pockets and go Charizard on your ass
Cause I'm Ash! And that's A-to-the-Shush!
I don't care how many beetles and butterflies you squooshed
Your earthworms can’t beat these magical beasties
Your shit-talking mouth is the Origin of Feces
You've got candy raps, Reese’s Pieces
In this ecosystem, I’m the dominant species
When it’s time to train, I turn to Pikachu. (Pika!)
But when I need a weak verse, I choose you
Hello there, welcome to a world called Earth
Where actual minds do groundbreaking work
If you’re looking for the fittest, I’m the natural selection
You’re so ineffective, you couldn’t even turn eleven
What you spit’s just not hard-hitting enough
It’s kid stuff, you’re soft like a Jigglypuff
You got no Game Boy. So you’ll get the broom quick
The real Ash packs a much bigger BOOMSTICK
I’m a masterful naturalist
What I've glimpsed will outclass all the crap on your laughable list
My research reversed the first words of the Church
You measure your worth by the sales of your merch!
Yo, um… real quick
This dude spent eight years studying barnacle dick
Kick it! You think I’m impressed by your boat trip? Please
You’re the most annoying thing on a Beagle since fleas
You’re a glitchy old man best left out at sea
Set sail and Galápago-suck on these
Look, Mighty Morphin Michael Vick
Your animated slave fights make me sick
When I battle a foe from so simple a beginning
I’m not Charles Sheen but I am Dar-winning
Man, if that’s true, then nature is cruel
Cause the only thing you’re winning is your cousin’s gene pool
You lost three children while they were still small
TB and scarlet fever, gotta catch ‘em all
It took millions of years for mankind to evolve
Now they’re hunched over cellphones playing with your balls
And it was hard losing my daughters and their brother
As hard as the wood that Oak gave your mother
