If your having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one [Verse One] I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes" I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those If you grew up with holes in your zapitos You'd celebrate the minute you was having doe I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward Got beef with radio if I don't play they show They don't play my hits well I don't give a shit so Rap mags try and use my black ass So advertisers can give em more cash for ads... Fuckers I don't know what you take me as Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has I'm from rags to ritches nigga I ain't dumb I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me [Chorus:] 99 Problems but a bitch ain't one If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me [Verse Two] The year is '94 and in my trunk is raw In my rear view mirror is the mother fucking law I got two choices yall pull over the car or Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor Now I ain't trying to see no highway chase with jake Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case So I... Pull over to the side of the road And I heard "Son do you know why I'm stopping you for?" Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo? "Well you was doing fifty five in a fifty four" "License and registration and step out of the car" "Are you carrying a weapon on you I know a lot of you are" I ain't stepping out of shit all my papers legit "Do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?" Well my glove compartment is locked so is the trunk and the back And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrent for that "Aren't you sharp as a tack are some type of lawyer or something?" "Or somebody important or something?" Nah I ain't pass the bar but I know a little bit Enough that you won't illegally search my shit "Well see how smart you are when the K-9's come" I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me [Chorus X2] [Verse Three] Now once upon a time not too long ago A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe This is not a hoe in the sense of having a pussy But a pussy having no God Damn sense, try and push me I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord Pray for him, cause some fools just love to perform You know the type loud as a motor bike But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight The only thing that's gonna happen is i'mma get to clapping He and his boys gon' be yapping to the captain And there I go trapped in the kit kat again Back through the system with the riff raff again Fiends on the floor scratching again Paparazzi's with they cameras snapping them D. A. Tred to give the nigga the shaft again Half-a-mil for bail cause I'm African All because this fool was horrasin them Trying to play the boy like he's saccarin But ain't nothing sweet 'bout how I hold my gun I got 99 problems but being a bitch ain't one Hit me [Chorus X3] You're crazy for this one Rick It's your boy