Dear Mr Reed Thank you for taking a few minutes To read this missive riddled in mystery Conceived to ease your disbelief This city's streets are dripping with intrigue And the stink of conceit Though dare I say it brings With it a mystique: a miserable chic Admittedly I concede This isn't your standard work I am aware it sounds absurd But that's the way the candle burns 'Til dampened by the putrid pusillanimous manner The ancient propaganda works But excuse my lack of good manners Call me Johannes Van Der Berg Welcome to our town You look as if you could use a drink Bring along those sorrows you can't drown You can swim or you can sink What do you think? What do you think? Welcome to our town You look as if you could use a drink Bring along those sorrows you can't drown You can swim or you can sink What do you think? Welcome, welcome, welcome To the parochial local of Oakmont Home of the hopeless down and outs Other towns around us don't want Resting place of castaways Forsaken and forgotten Lost, adrift amidst the rotten bits of flotsam Which have washed up It's a sodom for the sodden sods Whose sullen souls are softened By the soothing sounds of sirens' sighs Rising up from rock bottom The place lies on ley lines The veins of ancient bloodlines That flush away the sacred flesh To make way for the flood times The antediluvian realm of Cthulu Is answering to a new axiom Where anchovies - humans sans sanity - loom into view with clarity The Pantheon tell terrible parallel parables And are washing away any arable land Unbearable and incomparable pain No normal mortal can even stand Welcome to our town You look as if you could use a drink Bring along those sorrows you can't drown You can swim or you can sink What do you think? What do you think? Welcome to our town You look as if you could use a drink Bring along those sorrows you can't drown You can swim or you can sink What do you think? Welcome to our town You look as if you could use a drink Bring along those sorrows you can't drown You can swim or you can sink What do you think?