Have you ever seen a man climbing a wall
Up the side of a building that is decidedly tall?
Who despite gravity trying is declining to fall
One can only imagine the flipping size of his balls
Well that's me known as Spiderman or Spidey
And I'm called Peter Parker really though I should be Peter Parkour
Leaping through the dark gloomy city coming at you
Weaving over roofs like a traditional thatcher
So no matter your stance or your status or statue
You, bad guys, are flies and I'm going to catch you
This one's for Gwen and uncle Ben, dedicated to Aunt May
I'm the man you dress up as when you're too lazy to cosplay
Spider-man, Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
He's not a mutant, it's an overactive thyroid gland (wo)
Spider-man, Spider-man
I'm delivering this line from my diaphragm (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
If you still don't get it - here's a diagram (ey)
I'm Iron Man but without the massive salary
I'm Bruce Wayne if he had a loving family
I'm Bruce Banner but without being ripped or angry
I'm the Black Panther but without much of a tan on me
I'm the Flash if he hadn't even ran at speed
I'm Jean Grey but with a double a cup mammary
I'm Deadpool if he lacked a personality
I'm James Gunn without directing Guardians of the Galaxy-oh
I'll just pop out for a vertical jog
Where buildings penetrate the sky like a cervical swab
I started at the bottom now I'm traversing atop
A massive phallic symbol as if it's my personal knob
Err, you'll have to take my word for it, but I'm this handsome
Definitely not a virgin
My dick Branson
Oh sorry, I just went off on a big tangent
But now I'm trapping you in the web like Chris Hansen
Spider-man, Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
Goes hard like a penile implant (wo)
Spider-man, Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can (hey)
Apart from eating their mate during copulation that we know of anyway
Spider-man, Spider-man
Spider-man
I'm a happy kind of rapper guy
No grime pretense
Yeah, I'm a little camp but so are tiny tents
Look, in my defense, I can't rely on my spidey sense
And I can't deny that I'm immense
So why pretend? It's kind of dense
I'm the headliner, you guys are the side events
I fly across the skyline while you try to climb a fence
High flying Fashionista wrapped in tight lycra
Defying expectations of my critics like bycra
Say I can't swing roof to roof - that's fake news
It's not up to me to prove the truth
So if you dispute then I refuse to tiptoe
You can take it straight up with Stan Lee and Steve Ditko
It's risky like investing into P2P crypto
Or expecting to see Diplo at the D of E disco
So come along to my swingers club
I'll bring the white stuff if you bring the bub
I've got a thing for Kinbaku
The kink I love and don't be scared if you find a spider in the tub
I'm here to help you get over arachnophobia
So don't be afraid
You're like a cobweb when I blow you away
Spider-man, Spider-man
Does whatever a spider can (hey)
Spider-man, Spider-man
Gets ASMR during an eye exam (wo)
Spider-man, Spider-man
Never constipated, thanks to high fibre bran (hey)
Let me promote for a mo, hope you don't mind the spam
This track's on Google Music, Spotify and Tidal, damn (ey)
