When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb I thought these things were supposed to tell the facts Howcome we got this outcome? They're meant to be 99.9% accurate, but now I doubt them I thought maybe one day I may want a baby But not here, not now, what, are you crazy? It's too soon, I'm too stupid to build a human nest I'm a man child hiding in the shadow of my student debts We always used protection, at least to my recollection Well, I guess this is another new regret for my collection And I won't kill a fetus even if it's millimetres If I'm big enough to spill a seed Then I'm big enough to let it breathe A fellow creature, full of genes of each of us We're big enough to bring it up and let it develop features Left speechless But my ears hurt even when I hear tiny noises How am I going to deal with each night of crying high-pitched voices? When they're in pain, there's no way to make them say it softly I'm good with kids as long as someone can take them off me And what'll remain of a relationship that's already strained? The love that's left is drained and plumbed into a baby's veins And what if this isn't the right relationship to stay with? At this stage in the day it may just be too late to change it I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified My life is rather good, it's not time for fatherhood Looking after cats is hard enough, I can't give up my livelihood I can't be a role model, my own soul's swaddled My train of thought's like a pram rolling on old cobbles How can I change the habit of a lifetime, I'm a lazy chappy Change that? I've never had to change a baby's nappy Don't want to watch the Tweenies on the TV I like cult classic black and white cinema, fuck CBeebies I don't have a choice any more I don't have a voice any more Can't make noise any more I can't have a bottle of brandy and a LAN party with the boys any more The way I want to steer the ship and the way it heads's all different The game of life's flipped from single player to a co-op escort mission How can I provide enough safety and security When it feels like it's the whole world versus her and me? Poland versus Germany, east versus west Earth's eating itself, while I've invited you to be its guest What can I bring to the table? I'm not mentally stable But they say parenting's innate and we're all meant to be able But what if it's I'll, what it's disabled, what if it's not mine? What if it dies, what if it grows up to be a horrible little gobshite What if it hates me? What if it's not just one kid What if it listens to this song and feels unwanted I'm going to be be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I'm going to throw up and there's nowhere I can ever hide I want to stop, I want to wake up and get off this ride I'm going to be a daddy and I'm fucking terrified I hope I can be helpful during the birth Providing backup for the mother of the youngest of the children of earth When it's eighteen, I'll be forty-eight When it's forty-eight, I'll be seventy-eight And when it's seventy-eight, I should be dead in the grave Or in my place waiting at the heavenly gate Every day, a memory fades except for some strange cases Like when I'm travelling back to the past and wondering whether to change places When she showed me the pregnancy test, I felt numb But now I've settled down I've got one message: Welcome I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy I'm going to be be a daddy