Hi I'm Dan Bull And I'm starting a feature called Rap School To help you learn the stuff no one's teaching you at school So first let me take three minutes of your day And explain how to skilfully and brilliantly shave Oh, and by the way If you've already got a beard You may want to trim it first 'Cause shaving it feels rather weird Now, choose a razor that suits it to your taste You don't need to pay much to groom and smoothen up your face It could be basic, but make sure the blade is not serrated Replace it with a new one as soon as there's a chafe I use one with at least a couple of blades; a double dose Now it's time to get acquainted with the way your stubble grows Place a hand on your face and move Your fingers to your chin, the grain is smooth And when you slide them upwards, then you'll find it's rougher Now you're going against the grain like a crop cutter Ha And now that you and your face have got to know each other It's time to get it wet and wash that sucker Look A lot of people can't be bothered with this bit But there's a reason it's good to get it smothered in liquid Imagine you're a painter and your face is a canvas You want to make it blank before creating the grandness Yeah, you may be handsome but you're no oil painting So wash the oil off with warm water from the basin It'll freshen up your pores so that the razor could be more effective on your skin without sticking and scraping That's why if you're able you may also want to take a min to rub it with a scrub encouraging exfoliation And once you're washed Get a hot damp cloth Drape it on your face like a veil on a Vamp Goth It'll make the whiskers soft and easy to chop So don't take it off 'til we hear the drop Now it's time to pick the shaving cream or foam we want And give yourself a big white beard like you're Obi Wan Kenobi played by Alec Guinness who did it better But then we'll slowly work it back until you're Ewan McGregor There are lots of different options So pick one that's your cup of tea I like the fluffy frothy type 'cause it's all bubbly Lovely Now here comes the really fun bit Just whack it all over like a solo on a drum kit Get your face all slathered in lather 'Til you couldn't be recognised by your mother and father Now let it settle on the surface The waiting will be worth it Once your face is shaven clean You'll reckon that it's perfect Now once you got that Turn on the hot tap Wash that razor's blade Give it a short bath Now Pick your razor up Grip it by the shaft And stick your finger up it To the tip until it's flat You should hold it at about thirty degrees That will make sure it curves over the surface with ease Now slide it down your cheek Using minimal pressure So you don't irritate your skin Remember it isn't leather And then you'll feel fresher By reducing the strain You're producing less pain So always move with the grain Follow the natural pattern that your hair grows in Unless you happen to be Seth Rogen Then heck knows Get into a rhythm as if you're listening to techno With repetition you'll very quickly be giving deft strokes Get into a rhythm as if you're listening to techno With repetition you'll very quickly be giving deft strokes The straighter the movement The smoother the motion The lower the need for post shave soothing lotion And for certain problematic bits like the jawline Just grab the skin and lift it up until it's all tight You'll find that the skin That was under that bone Will be easier to skim Now it's in the flat zone I know that under the nose is really awkward But trimming what grows there is pretty important So tuck your top lip over your teeth And mow across from each approach so that's it's sleek Expose your throat by simply lifting your chin And keep it with the grain like you did at the beginning Keep the razor clean and wet by dipping it in Whenever there's a bit of hair on it just give it a rinse And then finally It's time to tidy your sideburns If you want to trim them in a horizontal line Turn your razor so it's facing parallel to the ground At the hight that you'd like and then slide it down Now you're clean shaven It's time for washing again So you can see your face looking like the bottom of a baby Give it another rinse with hot if you've got time Otherwise splashing the cold on is just fine Now it's time to pat every little spot dry Rub it in a little bit of moisturiser Gosh my boy don't you look fly So you don't have to bathe in aftershave at all Unless that's your taste it's your call It's all cool But there's one more thing you ought to do Wash and dry your razor so next time it's like it's all new So well done you You've just had a perfect shave And now the world is yours And you deserve it mate