When I was going up the stairs
I met a man, who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish I wish, he would go away
Mr. Barbosa, it's a brave step you comin to get help
And I commend you for that
But we gotta figure out what you want (uh-huh)
What do you really want? (yo, c'mon)
Dreams of my gandmother's house
That's where you felt the safest
The word "therapist," split it in half "the rapist"
Yo who the fuck are you to analyze my behaviors?
Oh I promise you all this anger you showin is anguish
I guess I wasn't ready to be so famous
But you couldn't live with yourself if you had remained nameless
It's been me, myself and I all my life
Now me and this psychiatrist tryin to explain what we write
Explain whether I'm black or I'm white
Explain cryin myself to sleep every night
Explain slashin my wrists with a knife
Too high, Icarus flight, niggaz is right
I'm the lowest form of human being, for being different
For being gifted, for feelin iffy about writin verses with no meaning
In relationships you showin too much feeling
Why would any woman treat you better than you said
you were treated by your own mother?
I heard out of the mouth of a 25-year-old woman without the initiative
to wanna move out of her momma's house but claimin she wanna be my spouse
Questions unanswered by psychiatric profession
My little cousin's an alter boy
but some priest altered that boy during confession
I think a gun's a better investment
But you stepped into my practice right now seekin direction
It's the end of your session
See this weapon? I ain't ready to leave, for I have seen the enemy
I just want, to, be... safe in my own skin
(2x) (I just wanna be safe in my own skin)
Just wanna be safe
I just want, to, be... happy again
(I just wanna be safe in my own skin)
Just wanna be safe
(I just wanna be safe)
But I'm so fucked up I don't even wanna deal with myself, anymore
(2x) (I just wanna be safe in my own skin)
Just wanna be safe, in my own skin
Finally I'm ready to be safe in my own skin
I'm tired of searchin for love I never got
Until you rocked
Yeah, Chino XL took over to protect Derek Barbosa
Okay, now we're gettin closer
I was an only child and he bought me Monopoly
That takes at least three people to play it
That wasn't stoppin me
Wasn't hard for me to be more than one person
Rehearsin at 7 years-old Brad Pitt in "Fight Club"'s Tyler Durden
Behind close curtains
That's it!
Every time a child suffers a trauma the personality splits
I seen it in cases where women are raped
It's like the spirit leavin the body as some form of escape
It never comes back quite the right way
Creatin a person to save 'em you might say
But enslaves me in another way, I'm like a 28-year-old runaway
Mr. Barbosa, could you please put the gun away?
I wanna end it like Hitler, cyanide and a bullet at the same time
I mean he is the same zodiac as mine
Let's talk about your mom
What about my mom?
What about a mom and all the closest friends that she lost in Vietnam
Does that excuse her for being such a selfish bitch?
Or lettin my grandfather die on a park bench?
Freezing cold from a heart attack on Christmas
His heart broken like some Greek wedding dishes
Are you happy Doctor hearin all my business?
Well here's more, right now I don't know where one of my kids is
I've been forbidden for visitin where the baby lives
Craziness the decision, the crib's in a place that's dangerous
See right now I'm missin so much that I wanna vomit
Drowning my sins in a gin and tonic
Yeah but when you pick up the bottle
to drink out of it, it really drinks out of you
True
Metaphor, the most powerful of right hemisphere techniques
but your case, it's ruinin you...
Yo Doctor, do you really deserve to get paid for what you think?
Do you lack in manhood, is that why they call you a shrink?
Heard Mariah's one of your clients, but her breakdown's persist?
Behind her back do you ever just call her "crazy bitch?"
You are prone to depression
That don't take a genius to see
You call this your practice, you ain't practicin on me
As a child they gave me Ritalin to clam down
As a grown man record companies keep fiddlin with my sound
My abandonment issues run deeper than you know
I'll tell you all about it on my next album, I promise
My family ain't ready for me to be that honest
It'll change everything like yoga changed Madonna
Like India changed Alanis, starin at my reflection like I'm Adonnis
But Derek, why you so angry and violent?
I'm a broken machine - my past
is water under the bridge but the lies have poisoned it from upstream
It's that sad of a dream that can shatter the mind
of a child and destroy the thing that holds him together by string
Feedin off my own emotion that my girl split
I'm sorry Doctor, I'm just nuttier than squirrel shit
Maybe not, you cannot give in to global consiousness
And your individuality will be dead like Charles Bronson is
Manuel Barbosa, that's who my father is, fellow misogynist
He's still in the Bronx, let him know Chino accomplishes
monsterous ghetto concertos, respected artist like Mozart is
But he could've alleviated some of the hardships
My prognosis, when you're confronted
with a difficult situation, you have failure to regulate
the correct emotional reaction, causin unnecessary
depression or anger towards normal things that would happen
The doctor started laughin, I asked "Why you offendin me?"
He said
Do you realize that you've invented me?
You're alone in this room and I think you need some help
I really hate to see you livin in this hell
It been seven years now that you've been sittin in this cell
Awaitin execution for the murder of your wife Michelle
To my knees I fell - the guards busted in
but no matter how hard they beat me, I still refused to yell...
I saw my mother's face
