My dog's stomach was very upset, So I put him in the car and we went to the vet. And on our way to the vet, I killed a cat. I said isn't that ironic? I adopted a child from over seas, to rescue him from child labor factories, And on his very first birthday we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop. I said isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C? A water-park is burnt to the ground, And a toe-truck has broken down. I always use to cry when I laughed, and then I was raped by a clown. Isn't that ironic? I was watching Al Gore on CNN, He was talking, and talking, and talking, and then, Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself. I dated an animal rights activist, and one day she got really pissed, Because I was eating veal, That was wrapped in pita (PETA) bread. Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C? I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's pull-out couch. If everyday you play the board-game Risk, You probably never taken a risk in your life. And Monopoly has far from the stranglehold on the board game market. A little kid died from suffocation, when he choked a game piece from Operation. And I can't grow a beard. That one's not ironic, that one's just sad. Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant. My grandfather had Alzheimer's and one day we were...