Napoleon's a pastry
Bismarck is a herring
Alexander's a crème de cocoa mixed with rum
And Herbie Hoover is a vacu-um.
Columbus is a Circle, and a day off
Pershing is a Square, what a payoff
Julius Caesar is just a salad on a shelf
So, little brother, get wise to yourself.
Life's a bowl and it's full of cherry pits
Play it big and it throws you for a loop
That's the way with fate, comes today, we're great
Comes tomorrow, we're tomato soup
Napoleon's a pastry
Get this under your brow:
What once used to be a rooster
Is just a duster now.
DuBarry is a lipstick
Pompadour's a hairdo
Good Queen Mary just floats along from pier to pier;
Venus de Milo's just a pink brassiere.
Sir Gladstone is a bag, ain't it shocking?
And the mighty Kaiser, just a stocking
The Czar of Russia is now a jar of caviar
And Cleopatra is a black cigar
Yes my honey lamb, Swift is just a ham,
Lincoln's a tunnel, Coolidge is a dam;
Yes my noble lads, comes today we're fads,
Comes tomorrow we're subway ads.
Homer is a swa-at
Get this under your brow:
All these big-wheel controversials are just commercials now.
Better get your jug of wine and loaf of bread before that final bow.
