The first haunting began at seventeen and a half Broke, drunk Peter Pan, paying rent to the bar He thought I could change him I thought I could save him Sent him to the grave instead Round two didn't hurt, so I kept him around But everyone I love is afraid of him now History never changes Once it's seen you naked Benefit of friendship's dead Monsters, werewolves, I'm not scared But one missed call from Jack?! Ahh! Nothing more terrifying Than exes in bedsheets Oh, there's no point in hiding from Exes in bedsheets They're like "Ooh, I miss you" "Ooh, I wanna stay friends" Ooh, no ghost can haunt you like your ex Nightmare number three — a devil wearing a dress She ripped my heart to pieces, but she looked so good in red Love-drunk blind obsession Momentary heaven Dragged me down to hell and never let me leave Demons, vampires, I don't care But fifteen texts from Layla?! Ahh! Nothing more terrifying Than exes in bedsheets Oh, there's no point in hiding from Exes in bedsheets They're like "Ooh, I miss you" "Ooh, I wanna stay friends" Ooh, no ghost can haunt you like your ex We're gathered here today to celebrate the death Of past relationships, situationships, and awkward one-night stands Doomed to spend eternity in the recently deleted And the archived family group chats Although they are no longer with us Their memory lives on through a variety of old T-shirts Shared playlists, and apparently my DMs At 2 a.m. on a random fucking Tuesday! Nothing more terrifying Than exes in bedsheets Ahh! Oh, there's no point in hiding from Exes in bedsheets They're like "Ooh, I miss you" "Ooh, I wanna stay friends" Ooh, no ghost can haunt you like your ex "Ooh, wanna go for coffee?" "Ooh, this song made me think of you" "Ooh, I love the new hair" Exes in bedsheets "Ooh, I had a dream about you last night" "Ooh, happy birthday" Ugh, shut up! No ghost can haunt you like your ex