I’m the newly appointed expert on the treatment of drug addiction
Here to help the addicts to overcome through faith in religion
One man has been blessed with vision, by god in his infinite wisdom
So king George the second has generously bankrolled our glorious mission
Endless money will roll right in from this Christian right administration
Thanks to George’s efforts, pushing faith based initiative legislation
The first steps towards taxpayer-funded conversion have now been made
We’re finally getting reimbursed what we deserve
To repay the price our savior paid
All of you hopeless addicts, drop that crutch and step right this way
Don’t forget to grab your bibles and together we’ll pray that addiction away
We’ll get you off of those addictive drugs by hooking you on Christ
And considering the blood that he spilled for you
Six hundred million is a reasonable price
We’ll rip that monkey off your back to make room for Jesus Christ
Substitute that destructive habit with a more constructive vice
We’ve replaced professional counselors with prayer time and bible study
The GOP and Uncle Sam will now be remanding you to Jesus’ custody
As long as I have god’s healing power I have no need for medical training
Blind faith is all we really need to get the number of junkies waning
No more physical detox, we’ll combat withdrawal by reading scripture
Transforming sinners into respectable Christians
Is all a part of the bigger picture
We’ll rip that monkey off your back to make room for Jesus Christ
Substitute that destructive habit with a more constructive vice
We’ve replaced professional counselors with prayer time and bible study
The GOP and Uncle Sam will now be remanding you to Jesus’ custody
We’ll be the saviors of these junkies to bring us closer to our lord and savior
For Christ’s sake that’s why George gave us the power
To teach them good behavior
And once they pass their test of will we’ll pass the collection plate
To help fund future causes to further bridge the gap between church and state
We’ll rip that monkey off your back to make room for Jesus Christ
Substitute that destructive habit with a more constructive vice
We’ve replaced professional counselors with prayer time and bible study
The GOP and Uncle Sam will now be remanding you to Jesus’ custody
