Our dog Bernard lived in the back yard
'Til one warm summer day
Our dog Bernard hit the boulevard;
He just up and ran away

He left a note taped to the door
"I'm tired of this life," it said
"I'm tired of eating dog food
And getting chased off of the bed."

He ran off with the bus driver
He's living with her now I'm told
Spends all his time watching TV
Getting fat and growing old

Oh Bernard, Bernard, please come back
You know that I love you
I'll let you ride in the four-wheel-drive
I'll make it all up to you