Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady 
Bloody thorns 'round his ears like he was a crazy 
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine 
Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine 

He said, "There's great sadness in life, but don't sit there and blub: 
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!" 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was hanging naked off a church spire 
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane 
Felt like I was Jesus on fire 
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck 
I begged my dad (?) to take me to a strip bar 
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs 
Drove myself home in a stolen car 

Turn a bird upside down and it lies in your fingers like a dead man 
When you throw it in the air it's resurrected from your hand 
We went to a motel, he showed me his Bible 
I said, "Tell me the truth," while he looked me in the eyeball 

He said, "There's great happiness in life but don't just sit there in love: 
Here's some tickets for your friends to the Jesus Stag Night Club!" 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was getting on a night bus 
Lyin' on the laps of my good friends 
Judas Priest and Lazarus 
I'm getting married in the big bad morning 
But it feels like I'm giving birth 
I feel so happy I could scream 
"This is my last few seconds on Earth" 

Saw a man in the street lying on the floor beaten up 
He had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup 
I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up 
But when I turned around I could see it was Jesus

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was hanging on a church spire 
Tied by my ankles to a weathervane 
Felt like I was Jesus on fire 
Cuffed to the bumper of a big truck 
I begged my dad to take me to a strip bar 
Drank kerosene slammers through my eyeballs 
Drove myself home in a stolen car 

I can't remember where I was last night 
Think I was getting on a night bus 
Lyin' on the laps of my good friends 
Judas Priest and Lazarus 
I'm getting married in the big bad morning 
But it feels like I'm giving birth 
I feel so happy I could scream 
"This is my last few seconds on Earth!"