Josh Mills, You're a goddamn genius and a motherfucking idiot 
But I can never stay mad because I'm forever in your stupid debt 
The top six inventions in the twenty-hundred time 
I was sad, but now i'm fine fine fine 
We're not shining up shit, we're coating it with gold 
It's only juvenile, twenty seven years old 
It's a nice new den that we're making a mess in 
Let's throw away each of the anti-depressants! 

[Chorus:] 
It's the mustache, it's the mustache 
Put it on the T.V screen, it'll make you feel better 
It's the mustache, it's the mustache 
Put it on the T.V screen, it'll make you feel better 

Yeah! 
I have a piece of Scotch tape and a Sharpie pen 
I'm drawing on the mustache from end to stupid end 
With the sticky side down in the middle of the shit 
Improving television on the space above the lip 

[Chorus]