Yo The origin of my thoughts you will never know My favorite beat is the universe's ebb and flow I'm Alaskan Thunderfuck, you oregano When I go to your show I always bring a egg to throw I'm every episode of every show ever shown You're a millisecond of a never-viewed webisode I'm everything in existence, you're nothing If you don't catch my drift that should tell you somethin' I'm no longer on your amateur court So to any naysayers who demand a retort I'll consider emailing y'all an annual report From the perspective of a hammock at a Sandals resort, sin- -Cerely, your excellence You inferior specimen When you near me address me as dearly distinguished gentleman English I am an expert in My contact list I have Webster in the lab I am sequestered in An isolated author with insightful takes to offer Whose pop culture references are older than Gibraltar Just did a cover of "Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter" by Iron Maiden You in dire straits and I'm Marc Knopfler You marks are fabric softener I listen to you rap and can't recall a past experience I've had that's awfuller I'm a classic artist's tale I'm a tragic sculptor Die with an empty coffer as a penniless pauper My eulogy will be "hey fellas just toss him We'll dig him up in two weeks I rented a coffin" I'm the type that'll rip a mic every so often For self-affirmation to remember I'm awesome Just to lift me up like a figure skater doing a triple axle After swallowing a little capsule filled with Paxil I'm a little rascal I'm a fucking varmint My fanbase is nothing short of in-fucking-ardent In my glove compartment there's an undergarment that belongs to the woman with whom you share a one bedroom apartment I do my thing like cows eat grass I do my thing like hummingbird hearts beat fast Ay American classic Good samaritan you'd wanna share some Maryland crabs with Rumor has it that I'm very fantastic And that rumor's been confirmed like it's parents with catholic Arrogant bastard No comparison's accurate Except for Niagara Falls barreling fast as shit No magician would be sharing his magic tricks now would he If he had respect how could he, uh I'm a oligarch Napoleon Bonaparte Joan of Arc style leavin' you totally blown apart Waitin' for my show to start People prefer to be in the front With the animals like Rosa Parks on Noah's Ark I'm eliter than a Bilderberg meeting team leader Steal your soul like a scientologist e-meter L. Ron Hubbard meets Elroy Jetson El soy yo el [?] no question Offend many like the team name "Redskins" E-made beats create B-boy head spins Out of the box intended for your suggestions In a vision quest visions stem from mescaline Images rendered are too exquisite to question 'em The sentences I've penned are meant to contend with the best of 'em I sit on a pedestal You [?] the pendulum Turn my shit up ten decibels I turn [?] to vegetables My shit is incredible, you need medical help Mind, body, and spirit where my rhetoric felt I'm a notch up in ya mama's hypothetical belt She gave my testicles a five star review on Yelp Yo I say a lot of meaningless babble "Are those even words?" like I'm cheating in Scrabble Smoke a spliff a day instead of eating an apple I'm higher than the spire on the steeple of a chapel, yo We are cut from different cloths off of separate rolls For a minute sum you'd probably sell your soul I'm in it for the good times a la Esther Rolle You should go and sit on a fucking bench like Eckhart Tolle Your shit is weak, take a frickin' seat If you have a mic under your Christmas tree I hope it had a gift receipt The kid is deep like a minor who's a miner When I'm in the booth like a diner at a diner Old school soothsayer Pro Tools truth layer Applause through the roof when I'm in the booth player They say I'm cold, I say B-I-N-G-O Ten below since you was knee-high to an embryo I sit and ponder sippin' on a cold lager Sidecar fireball wondering what happened to Goldschläger Only fodder if you are a beer blogger Get the check then I skate like I'm Jaromír Jágr I go on a lot of unforeseen tangents That are a little long like a submarine sandwich That if they were data they'd require lots of bandwidth That if they were Dorothy they'd no longer be in Kansas Whose dog name was Toto that today they named a band with Who also sang Rosana but didn't say it in Spanish I digress I get busy like the IRS at tax season Wax eatin' anyone who try and test I'm at best when I invest my time and effort in myself The only battle that I fight is with my mental health Hopefully I win it Count to three after I pen it Big Wax, I been doin' this For a minute, yo Golf clap for another raw rap Aw snap like the back of a ball cap or bra strap Y'all are micro One day you might grow On the microphone I'm dirty, call Mike Rowe He's supposed to be the host of my show I'm never so-so so I boastfully flow I notably know A lot of shit nobody know When I say "know what I'm sayin'" they like "no I don't know" Yo I'm so high I could ghostwrite for Peter Tosh I'm like the Tysons, both Mike and Neil DeGrasse Sting like a wasp Float like a fleet of yachts Driven by competing elitists measuring speed in knots Drop this in your shitty boombox I get no respect like my doc's Vinnie Boombatz I get lots of samolians [?] you could squash like Napoleon Pocket [?], I got lots of custodians Dusting my customized podium to which they then coat with Rust-Oleum Get accustomed to some cussin' with purpose Like the discussion of a sailor on call with customer service You rusty fucks'll get nervous Where'd he come from, the furnace? I'm the hottest, honestly I probably judge you as worthless, yo I'm a bad mother, shut your mouth Spit a damn cuss word out at your grandmother's house I been rappin' since she had that plastic-covered couch I been rappin' since she had a back that doesn't slouch For you I can't vouch Too many doubts Your spittin' is reminiscent of the house of Oscar the Grouch I'm crowd-adored as I bow before the encore Leave then come back like the California condor Google that They became extinct then they grew 'em back They came from the same lab I make my music at I discover things in the darkest corners of my mind I'm a rare specimen, I'm somethin' hard to find A new iPhone with the old input A sextape of the Loch Ness Monster fucking Bigfoot The nail used in Jesus' hand found by a dude with a metal detector on Venice Beach in the sand The key to unlocking the secrets of man God damn Green eggs and ham, uh EOM beats EOM rest in peace