Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs He talked too much and stayed too long" Back home in Perth I played piano down at Café Piazza Swallowing second-hand smoke and singing standards by the masters Learned that every lyric's sacred That love's everything And that three drinks make you straighten up And four get you swingin' 'Til my crowds scared the suits away and I'd play my own songs And then we'd talk too much and stay too long (Talk too much and stay too long) Moved to Melbourne with my missus after locking her down Felt like a very little fishy in a very big town Barely scraping by on corporate gigs and quaint cabaret Playing keyboards in a cover band until three in the AM I was never really suited to them top 40 songs Cause I talked too much and played too long Ha! Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs He talked too much and stayed too long" Took my eyeliner to Edinburgh in twenty-oh-five (2005) Played to 45 paying punters on the opening night But to my surprise there was a rising demand For a lovechild of Liberace and Edward Scissorhands Dude from the papers said that digging me was wrong He said I talked too much and stayed too long I've played the Albert Hall and Wembley, I've played basements and bars I've been to Hollywood and Broadway, met those A-lister stars I've shared cigarettes with knights, shot tequila with dames Found I'm more interested in laughter than in hotness and fame So long as you got irony honey we'll get along We can talk too much and stay way, way too long Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs He talked too much and stayed too long" You know he talked too much and stayed too long You know he talked too much and stayed too long I've been threatened with death and arrested and hell I went hard at a cardinal who was feeling unwell I've had them dogwhistling whiners send their dogs after me I've been a bigot and a faggot, I've been smug and ugly I'm a long-haired lefty joker and a smoker of bongs And I talked too much and stayed too long But fuck that "live fast die young" shit, I plan on getting rickety Baby I intend to stick around til' all you pricks are sick of me And when they come to wash my old man balls and feed me mashed banana They'll find me in the common room playing blues on the piano Same old three chords and cliched fuckin' runs And I'll talk too much and stay too long And I'll talk too much Don't wanna be in your club if you'd take me as a member I'm not even slightly interested in whether I'm remembered I say ashes to ashes, dust to dust Gimme a tombstone if you feel you must Saying "Here lies a clown who wrote some songs He talked too much and stayed too long" You know he talked too much and stayed too long You know he talked too much and stayed too long Another white motherfucker rambling on He talked too much and stayed too long