A lady gets a lotta things She gets a 20 carat ring She gets the alimony too She gets to look good in the nude But there's one place where they've been whipped Between the nose and upper lip M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache One hundred hairs make a man I tried a handlebar design My Fu-Manchu was real fine My Ronald Colman made 'em blink My Pancho Villa made 'em think But when I trimmed 'em real small My Jewish friends would never call M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache One hundred hairs make a man One hundred hairs make a man One hundred hairs make a man M-M-Mustache M-M-Mustache M-M-Mustache They call me 'Sir' and that ain't bad Sometimes they think that I'm my dad And women flirt and you can bet They like that tickle that they get The only time I feel bad Is when they guess the lunch I've had M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache M-M-Mustache, mustache, mustache, mustache ...