I was sittin' in a bathtub in the middle of the woods When I looked over to see a beautiful woman in another bathtub Sittin' right next to me As our hands reached out and our fingers met I said to myself, Hey self, I'll bet Right here is something I don't went to miss And I'll bet there's a pill for this Oh there must be a pill for those times When you want to feel fully alive But you're not quite sure if you're up to the job When that moment does arrive But I've been told time and again That misery can turn to bliss Whatever ill is ailing you Well, there's gotta be a pill for this If your heart can't beat or your eyes can't see Or your ears can't hear and your mind ain't free If your nose is runny and your lips can't kiss There must be a pill for this You have trouble eating or gaining weight Wake up too early or sleep too late If there's temptation you need to resist There's gotta be a pill for this If you lose your hair, or lose your keys Or your legs are shaky and you need new knees Ask anyone and they'll insist There's a pill for this Oh there must be a pill for those times When you want to feel fully alive But you're not quite sure if you're up to the job When that moment does arrive But I've been told time and again That misery can turn to bliss Whatever ill is ailing you Well, there's gotta be a pill for this If you can't go or you go too much Can't catch your breath or you've lost your touch If your mind is foggy and you're in a mist There's a pill for this If you're in a crowd when the big urge hits Or your back or your front is givin' you fits There's a guaranteed solution so don't be remiss There's always a pill for this And if your Vevo-Valveetas have a fever And you're swollen up and there's no relief for Your bones that have grown so your clothes don't fit Well there's a pill for this Oh there's a pill to cure any woe They'll speed you up fast or slow you down slow If you're out of control and you're in a mess Well, there's a pill for this Oh there must be a pill for those times When you want to feel fully alive But you're not quite sure if you're up to the job When that moment does arrive But I've been told time and again That misery can turn to bliss Whatever ill is ailing you Well, there's gotta be a pill for this Yes, friends, there's a pill for everything but you must be informed that there are possible Side effects that may include fever, blisters, headaches, insomnia, lethargy, geography, Algebra, diabetes, heart attacks, gangrene, terrorist attacks, rattlesnake bite, voting Irregularities, constipation, aggravation, a burning sensation, a troubled nation, a bad Vacation, precipitation or the lack thereof. Well there's bad news but the good news is That whatever's on your list You can turn misery into bliss Cause there's a pill for this Now, was there water in them bathtubs? I didn't see no soap or towels. And how about A bath mat. I don't want to get out of a tub in the middle of the woods in my bare feet. And what about a sink to shave and brush your teeth? I didn't see any of those and you Can't just take a pill - you've got to shave too! And where does she plug in her hair dryer? A woman ain't gonna get out of a bath tub without a hair dryer. And where's the spigots In case I need some more hot water. I don't like sittin' around in a tub of cold water. And wouldn't cold water offset the effects of that pill they're talking about? — Huh? Let me tell you something. I don't know who comes up with these things but they need To use a little more common sense! They need to have a little more practical experience! You know what I'm sayin'? Huh? Huh?